Insanity Ensues
by Madame Solo
Summary: Set directly after Swarm War. Thoughts of Jagged Fel


Insanity Ensues

Characters: Jag with mentions of Solo and Fel family

Time: Directly after Swarm War

Short Summary: The angsty thoughts of Jag after being marooned on a planet after he was shot down by Leia. Sappy, yet satisfying. Enjoy

Disclaimer: Universe...not...MINE!

Please Read and Review -

"Jagged, we─_I_─want you to know that I still love you. And I always will. But if you can eject, you should do it now." Those had been her last words to him. He'd wanted to laugh, but he hadn't for two reasons, the first being that he doubted his fellow Chiss pilots would find the irony in the situation and the second, a part of him wanted the statement to be true. Usually, he tried desperately not to think about _that _problem.

Unfortunately for him he'd had a whole lot of time to think for the past few days. Being stuck in an inaccessible rift valley with a broken leg had left him with few options of entertainment. He knew that a rescue mission would take some time to reach him, despite the fact that he was a Captain. There was a lot of cleaning up to do for the Chiss, assuming that they had won the battle.

And he assumed that they did, considering that there were no more sounds of battle echoing into the valley he was stranded in. Also, the fact that he could see a Galactic Alliance ship, which he thought looked like Gilad Pellaeon's flagship, helped booster his confidence that the war had ended…one way or the other. As his mind quickly categorized all of the possible outcomes of the war, he inwardly sighed, needlessly, considering that he was alone. A childhood spent with the Chiss however had taught him to hide such human characteristics. Considering the Galactic Alliance's presence, he calculated that while the Chiss had probably "won," the Killiks had not been exterminated. Because where the Galactic Alliance was, the Jedi were usually there too. Considering that he had spoken with Jaina's mother before she had shot him down, it was a safe bet that the Jedi had interfered.

Jaina…he sighed, this time outwardly. Where had things gone so wrong with her? After the defeat of the Yuuzhan Vong he knew that Jaina had in a sense "ended" their romance. But during the few times he had met up with her during the past years it hadn't seemed like they were "just friends." That was, unless friends were recently a lot more liberal on tongue kissing…and a few other things.

Jag couldn't help from smiling, but his smile quickly turned to a frown. Before the Killiks, things had been just fine. But since Jaina had become mind-melded to some whiny Jedi kid she had become a completely different person. Now, he wondered if there was any chance to her going back to her own self. And even if she did, what would that mean for him? She probably would still be bitter, as of course would he.

Still…he hoped she could recover her own personality again, even if just because it would be better for her and her family. Jag knew he still loved her, and the small chance of her being able to regain herself and be happy made Jag happy.

He slammed his fist on the arm of his makeshift chair. Sometimes he was disgusted at how smitten he still was with her. What made her so special? There were plenty of other fish in the sea, especially for her. And if she could find someone else, so could he.

Had she found someone else? Was that other Jedi, Zekk he remembered, her…lover? Or was he just hoping to be? Jag had seen his type before, not necessarily with Jaina but with the other women in his life, most recently with his sister Wyn. She'd become very pretty in the past few years, and he'd seen several of her fellow cadet "friends" swooning over her. He wondered if he was like that to Jaina as they were to Wyn. Wyn always laughed when their mother teased her about them, saying that they were too pathetic to be considered for such a thing as dating. Was Jagged Fel considered pathetic for the first time in his life? He hoped not. He hoped that being completely in love with someone wasn't pathetic.

He woke up a few hours later and realized he had nodded off. He'd uncharacteristically done that a lot since he'd crashed on this hellhole. Hoping there wasn't something medically wrong with him, Jag dragged his stiff body to a stand. He made a quick scan of his surroundings, confirming that he was still alone. From what he saw on the way down, it would probably take about four days for a rescue team to find him. And that would be after they negotiated a peace treaty. This left him with about three more standard days of being stuck alone…with his thoughts.

He knew that he would go crazy. Before he had always distracted himself with the tasks at hand, and although they had occasionally been tasks that required him to put Jaina in his targeting scopes, they had still kept his mind busy. But now, with a broken leg, no need to hunt for food and something that resembled a camp set up, he had nothing else to do but sit and think.

At first he thought of the old times they'd had. He remembered when he first met her, and how her haughtiness and skills had immediately drawn him to her. He also remembered his head being bit off several times during the short period she had strayed to the dark side. But with those memories also came the memories of her in the red dress, so he tried not to think about those for the simple fact that there were no cold showers where he was, and he needed to keep his wits about him.

Then he would think of Borleias, where they had first kissed and where he had started to truly fall in love. He thought of their practice matches and how satisfying it had been to throw her to the floor. And usually after that came all of the other memories, some that made him outright blush and others that made his eyes become watery for no apparent reason. And the snow…he always remembered the snow. The snow falling down as they parted their ways, and unbeknownst at the time probably separated them from each other permanently.

After each cycle of these memories, which occurred on average five times a day, Jag would sit and wonder what things would have been like if they hadn't parted ways or if they met when there was no war or if they had gotten married and had two kids named Anakin and Cherith. Whole lifetimes concocted in his mind flashed before his eyes, each with perfect detail. He could see the white lace cling to Jaina's arms as she said her "I dos" with tears in her eyes. He could see the Solo grin of a spoiled Jedi child meeting a stiff and upright cadet while their parents discussed a treaty between the New Republic and the Chiss. And sometimes he would even see their children, a wild girl with black hair and sharp brown eyes and a small shy boy with wide jade eyes hiding behind his mother.

Sometimes his visions would become so clear and detailed that he wondered if he might have Jedi powers and that he was seeing the future. But then he realized that he was only wishing and that now these things would probably never happen. Even if Jaina knew he still loved her desperately, things would most likely stay the same. She would be busy saving the galaxy while he climbed the ranks of the Chiss, and she would probably fall in love with some Jedi while Jag united himself with a Chiss family.

And although he knew this, he couldn't help but hope. Hope that someday they would find each other again and that some of his visions might come true. And as he closed his eyes, he thought he heard the crumbling of rocks underneath boots and a familiar feminine voice shouting to her comrades. But he still closed his eyes, knowing that this was probably just another one of his dreams, because if it was who he thought he'd heard, it was too good to be true. So it probably wasn't.


End file.
